We’re That Family

chasing_naked_calvin_by_epper-d4qx0s6

I’ve meant to post this story for a few weeks now, and I’m glad I finally found the time to do so. This is one of those stories that you tell your friends about other people and say things like, “My child knows better than to do something like that”  or “I can’t imagine what else goes on inside that home.” Well as it turns out, this story is about my family. Yup, that’s right. Today until the end of forever, we are that family.

This story starts out like any other story about a peaceful, sunny afternoon at a family’s humble abode just before something goes terribly wrong. There I was minding my own business prepping the vehicle for our afternoon adventure into town when my wife, Stephanie, asked me to change our two-year-old, Phoenix, because her cloth diaper had leaked through onto her dress. “Okay,” I thought, “No big deal.”

I went through the motions. I say up and Phoenix lifts her arms. I remove her dress, and she unsnaps her diaper and hands it to me. Naked as a jay-bird, she follows me into the laundry, which is located conveniently next to the garage. I dispose of the wet diaper and dress not thinking about what Phoenix was doing until I felt the rush of air from the garage door being opened. This is when I realized the car door to the garage was open from earlier when I was prepping the vehicle.

Panic sets in quickly followed by hysterical laughter as I see Phoenix darting across the garage to the light of the afternoon sun. I’m chasing and calling after her to come back but my words are muffled by laughter and the pat-pat-pat of her feet against the concrete. You don’t realize how fast a two-year-old can run until they’re naked, screaming, and running down your driveway. Seriously, I almost didn’t catch her because I was laughing so hard. Luckily, she stopped just short of the street all smiles and giggles as I snatched her up and carried her under one arm into the house.

I returned her to the living room, still laughing, and proceeded to put a fresh diaper on her. Stephanie was on the couch breast feeding our youngest girl, Echo, and asked me what was so funny. It took everything I had to compose myself long enough to tell her I had just chased Phoenix down the driveway butt-ass naked.

She looks at me with tears and terror in her eyes and says, “Oh, my God. We’re that family.”